BLOGGERS ARE PRETENDING THEY CAN READ

All of the wingnut bloggers are making up answers to questions about books trying to convince people that they actually read. One of them suggested that I answer the same questions. My first thought was that I’m not their monkey, but then I decided to show them how a professional journalist would handle the questions – even though I already know so much stuff I don’t really need to read anymore.

Total number of books owned?
Zero. That’s right zero. I used to own some, but I donated them all to the Maxwell school in St. Paul to make up for the wingnuts burning all of their classroom books.

Last book I bought?
I don’t buy books. Ever hear of a thing called a library? That’s where poor folk like me get our books – at least until Pawlenty boards them all up.

Last book I read?
“Flowable Fill as Backfill for Bridge Abutments” by Joe Wilson. It turns out it wasn’t written by the guy who exposed Bush’s yellowcake lie, but it was still a good book.

Five books that mean a lot to me?
“The Bible” That’s right wingnuts, the Bible means a lot to me. And unlike those of you who call yourselves Christians like Hindendrocket and Little Trunk, I’ve scoured the whole thing and I’ve found no place that says “Thou shalt not torture except at Guantanamo Bay”.

“Origin of the Species” by Charles Darwin. I’ve not actually read it, but it is important to me because it proves that all of the wingnuts are somebody’s monkey.

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. I should really write my own book on this subject.

“The Star Tribune” by Nick Coleman, et al. This classic comes out daily, but is especially good on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.

I’m reserving the final spot for when my friend Jim Boyd finally writes his memoirs.

Five people I pass this on to?
Jim Boyd
Cubby
Brian Lambert
Laura Billings
Captain Fishsticks